The Heart Brings You Back

Driving home from work today I heard a certain Blues Traveler song "Hook" and I got a little choked up and teary eyed...and here is why.
I was in Houston relaxing after work one day in December when my phone rang, and it was my mother. All she said was my name, and I instantly started crying because I could tell something was really really wrong. She explained to me that my grandma and grandpa had been on their way to Virginia for Christmas when they had stopped at a rest area in Ohio. My grandpa passed out and lost consciousness and was rushed to the local hospital. My mom and stepdad were on their way to Ohio to see him and could I come? There was never a question for me; my grandpa "Papa" was my partner in crime, my other pea in the pod. We had been close since I was a very young girl. My grandma always said that it was because we were both Capricorns, but I know that he was my soulmate. At Thanksgiving, when the ladies would go shopping, Papa and I would go to the bookstore. Then we'd spend all the rest of the weekend reading. He was so even tempered, caring, and funny and miraculously always understood me and accepted me for who I was.
I was already planning on going to Virginia for Christmas so I called the airline to get my flight changed. They politely informed me that it was going to cost $1000 for me to change my flight on such short notice. I cried, I screamed at them. Didn't they realize what was going on? This was Papa, my friend, my confidante. I wasn't just changing my flight because I felt like it. I HAD to go there; he needed me. Of course, the money didn't really matter. I was just mad at the world at that moment.
In the hospital, my grandpa was in a coma and the prognosis wasn't good. One nurse told me that she had seen people come back from being in a coma and that a variety of things could aid in bringing the person back. I searched through my iPod and decided that I was going to play some music for grandpa. Maybe he'd like that. So I chose "Hook" because it is commonly mistaken for the title "The Heart Brings You Back", and the fact that he loved harmonica music. I took one end of my earbud and put it into my ear, and the other into his. Nothing magical happened, except that I felt close to him as we were listening to the music. It was my way of telling him goodbye and that I loved him. Memories of my childhood with him flashed before me...reading together, helping me with my Henry Ford project in school, running out of gas in the country, watching Shirley Temple movies, taking trips in the RV...
I had picked up "Memoirs of a Geisha" in the airport before I'd left Houston and was furiously reading it while waiting in the hospital for days. It helped take my mind off of things, and the story was just so touching to me. On the return trip, I was nearing the end of it. I sat next to a teenager who asked how it was and that she really wanted to read it. I told her that when I finished it that I would give it to her. But as I was finishing the book, the story had given me so much comfort over the past horrific few days that I just couldn't part with it. I turned to the girl and told her, with tears in my eyes, "I'm sorry, this book means too much to me. I can't give it to you." Somehow, even though I felt terrible for going back on my word, she seemed to understand. Maybe she had lost someone important in her life too.
For about two years after that time, whenever I heard that song, I would cry. J might hear it first and change the channel or warn me that it was on. Now I can listen to it, and smile as I think of the memories I have of Papa. Today for some reason, it just made me cry again. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones (probably) or knowing that my child won't get a chance to know such an amazing man. J never knew Papa either, and that has been hard for me to accept. I just have to know that he is looking down on us from somewhere, and my mom swears that he says "Hi" every time we find a penny.
When I was 7 weeks along, J and I went in for my first appointment and they gave me an ultrasound. When I reached for my clothes to get dressed, a penny fell out of the pocket of my jeans. I didn't notice it at the time, but as we left J handed me the penny and said "Well, your grandpa is the first to know we're pregnant." I just smiled and said "Hi Papa, I miss you."